IT’S RAINING AGAIN   In the last few months I’ve had some of the best days of my adult life, I’ve seen the biggest band in the world play their career defining album, I’ve turned Twitter friends into real friends and it turns out they’re some of the funniest smartest kindest people you could ever […]

What’s the difference between me and you? About five bank accounts, three ounces and two vehicles……… wait that’s not right, I’ve barely got enough money for one bank account never mind five, I haven’t done drugs in a long time so have no ounces (unless it’s ounces of flour for baking?) and I don’t drive. […]

I’ve written about mental health (my own) for a while now, if I’m honest I have no fucking idea why I started but it makes me feel better so that’s good I suppose. What is much much better than that though is that what I write genuinely seems to help the people that choose to […]

In general you shouldn’t assign traits a gender. Even positive stereotypes are dangerous as they merely legitimise the negative ones. Having said that…….. Boys don’t talk to each other, girls do. Also girls smell better (but I’m not sure that’s relevant here). Those of us with a Y chromosome really need to follow the trail […]

I’ve been ‘mad’ for a while now, I can’t actually remember how long but it’s not a new thing. I did a pretty good job of hiding it when I thought that hiding it was something that I should do, I put a lot of effort into putting on a façade of normality that tricked […]

Once people realise that I’m pretty open about my mental illness, and they get over any awkwardness on their part, they quite often ask me about it, human beings being naturally curious creatures and all that. I do get asked a variety of questions but the two that crop up most often are, ‘when did […]

As many of you will know I am mentally ill, I am not ashamed and I really can’t be fucked hiding it, whether online or on one of my rare forays into the real world I am happy to talk about it. There is of course a great deal of misunderstanding surrounding this topic, but […]

deflated football

About a year ago I wrote a piece on depression and how it changed me as a football fan, how my illness had stolen my passion for a game that I was once so passionate about. The response was genuinely touching, people from all walks of life got in contact to empathise and to share […]

Arsenal's Emmanuel Eboue gets a yellow card from referee Mike Dean during their English Premier League soccer match against Tottenham Hotspur in London

This is football This is fiction Or is it? Eh aye it is Probably Welcome to a new year on the blog that defined football writing in 2012 (according to my mum anyway) and to celebrate we’re going to introduce a new character. You’ve already met that foul mouthed wanker ‘the fictional footballer’ well now […]

celtic_rangers415

Gary Glitter once asked if we wanted to be in his gang, I think we can safely assume that the waiting list for membership of that particular club isn’t exactly overflowing. Child rape aside though, the despicable cunt makes a valid point. As human beings we strive for the acceptance of a gang, for the […]

Ilovethe90s

I am in my mid/late 20’s, my earliest football memories are from the middle of the decade, of ‘Cool Britannia’ and ‘Britpop’. These memories, whilst maybe lacking in detail are rich with emotion and colour. In 1994, Raith Rovers beat the mighty Celtic in the final of the Coca Cola Cup. I have no recollection […]

statsignificant

Alright bitches! (Apologies for the aggressive opener there, I’m not sure what came over me). Right anyway, here’s the thing. I’m pretty sure I’m a football fan, in fact yeah, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say yes, I am a football fan, but what I’m not so sure about is if I’m […]

Klinsmann

This is football.   This is fiction.   Or is it?   Eh aye it is, probably.   Ask a hundred football fans what their pet hate is and it’s a fair bet that a good proportion of them would pick out diving, or simulation to give it its (Super) Sunday name. Now I have […]

lawro

As human beings, our time upon this planet has been characterised by a desire to solve the problems, and overcome the obstacles that have appeared on our path to progression as a species. Where did we come from? Why are we here? What part are we to play in the rich history of this planet? […]

aliens_1_0

This is football. This is fiction. Or is it? Eh aye it is, probably. The other day something really quite strange happened to me, I was abducted by aliens. Now, some of what went on aboard the mothership I’m not particularly comfortable sharing at the moment (the probing, oh the relentless probing, why all the […]

sad_face1

Those of you who know me in the ‘real world’ may be aware, and a few of my more regular readers may have guessed, but for the rest of you I’ll just come right out and say it. I have clinical depression. It’s not something I am ashamed of and it’s not something I make […]

shit nightclub

For this to work I’m going to ask that you imagine the guy in the story is the club doing the buying (not in a prostitution kinda way) and the young lady is the ‘transfer target’, got it? Okay. In a scene familiar up and down the country, we find ourselves in a busy, sweaty […]

headinhands

This is football. This is fiction. Or is it? Aye it is, probably. We’ve all had that thought, however fleeting, however improbable, it’s common in all of us as football fans. With a bit of luck, some hard work and a bit more luck, we could have ‘made it’. Problem is, 99.99% of us are […]

Ecstasy_pills

This is football. This is fiction. Or is it? Eh aye it is. Footballers, like many young people, take drugs. Not necessarily of the performance enhancing variety (although they very well might), no the drugs I’m referring to are what opinion piece writers would call ‘recreational’ (the rest of us just call them drugs). Now […]

coke

This is football. This is fiction. Or is it? Eh aye it is (probably). A common complaint about modern footballers is how far removed they are from the every-day supporter. In generations past your teams ‘star man’ may have been a regular in your ‘local’, your dad might have known his dad, hell he might […]

SundayLeague

The alarm clocks aggressive mechanical honk pierces the pre-dawn silence, its function this morning however is moot. I’ve barely slept all night, and who could blame me? For today is the day, the day I’ve been waiting for since putting pen to paper on my 12 month rolling contract. Today is the first day of […]

money

This is football, this is fiction. Or is it? Eh aye it is. If you feel like giving the protagonist of this tale an American, a Middle Eastern or a Russian accent then that’ll work just fine with me. From the mind of an un-named football club owner The mistake you (the great unwashed) make […]

blog-troll

There is a sub section of the human species whose rank have swelled in numbers in recent times. I talk of course of the infamous ‘Internet Troll’ or ‘keyboard warrior’. But are these individuals really the bottom feeders of humanity or are they simply wholly misunderstood, delicate souls who just want to be loved? To […]

pint

To launch the blog we have a quite stunning exclusive, we have managed to gain access to the diary entries of a top level footballer during the close season. What follows may shock, it may appal, it may make you question whether these lucratively rewarded individuals are truly deserving of your adulation. For reasons that […]

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